Organized Journal

Beauty is Not Only a Job, it's an Adventure

I am a Shopaholic: Accepting the Problem

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Took a big breath and said it to myself “I am a shopaholic”. Being a shopaholic or else having compulsive behavior for buying things is not a very pleasant feeling. Even though it feels good for a while it makes you feel worse after spending. But how can someone develop this disorder in their lives? This article begins my research for understanding what affects me and how am I getting rid of it.

To Start things up, I grew up in an average standard family, we had everything we needed to cover our basic needs and had a comfortable life. My dad was the only one who worked and my mom managed to be a great administrator paying the bills and everything else to fulfill our needs with one paycheck. But, we never had luxurious things that over boarded our lives. Which I think was great, because it helped us to learn the value of money and saving it.

Years after, while I was beginning my undergraduate studies I used to have small jobs (nothing fancy),  to sustain my needs, and I was able to sustain myself pretty well, as I was able to administrate my expenses and save money at the same time.

I think my compulsive behavior started about two years after I got my first big job (the one I currently have). I don’t know how, but everything started with buying a blouse, some pants, a little bit of makeup…and all of the sudden I started making big expenses in things I really don’t need. A small relief for this, is that I did it with my own money (No Credit Cards thank God), but still, it was money that I was saving for my future.

All those small permissions in buying things for me, took away all the control I had for my finances, I became an uncontrollable person, because in my mind I was saying, “I want that, and I can afford it, so why not?”

While I was so “happy” spending money here and there; there were times when after doing this I felt very depressed, because deep inside I knew I was buying things that I did not need. At the same time there were some family members that already knew that my spending habits were not that healthy, but my response was, “I know, I will stop shopping whenever I want to and I won’t buy anything else”. Which was not a good answer, the smart thing to do is not stop shopping, as we all have basic needs, but is to learn how to shop.

I hit sink yesterday, while doing my bank reconciliation, I noticed that my last weekend expenses had gone way to far again, in stuff (it hurts me to say) I obviously don’t need. I really felt depressed and started looking for help, I did read some helpful tips over the internet, but what I really wanted was someone talking about this problem and in certain way I think I wanted to feel understood, but I did not find what I was looking for.

Anyways, because of the failure in getting what I wanted, I am creating this small category, where I will be posting about my CBD (Compulsive Buying Disorder), and how will I recover from it. I want to be a healthy person, who achieves her goals, not a girl full of anxiety and debts. I think I already took the first step  by admitting that I have a problem and need help to get over it, so I will be posting another blogs about this drama rama which took me so long to admit to my loved ones and specially to myself, and what I’ve been doing to get over it. Hopefully this helps other people which are going through the same situation or help them to avoid this.



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